Confused Old Man Yells at Nation for an Hour

3,720 seconds of lies, fearmongering, and malapropisms.

A confused political hack from Delaware staged a one-man insurrection by invading the sacred precincts of the Capitol building, hijacking all the TV networks, and yelling that the planet would be destroyed unless we gave him all our money so he could burn it and turn it into green energy.

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr, who loves the sound of his voice more than his crackhead son or the bastard grandchild of a stripper, had already inflicted the second longest opening address in the history of this nation with a 2021 marathon address that killed more brain cells than meth.

Like the star of a slasher movie sequel, Biden Jr., returned to ramble through a worse sequel, but kept it down to a mere hour and two minutes of torture. The two minutes are significant because when you have to endure the Vogon poetry of word salads, non-sequiturs, mumbles, grumbles, malapropisms, and random interjections, 120 extra seconds is an eternity.

During those 3,720 seconds of lies, fearmongering, and malapropisms, Biden took credit for defeating COVID, Putin, and the English language. While viruses and nations can’t be defeated with hot air, English never stands a chance once Biden’s mouth gets its slimy tongue on it.

With the National Guard having safely secured Washington D.C. and locked down the U.S. Capitol, there was no room for anyone to escape no matter how badly they wanted to.

Unless they refused to take a COVID test.

Despite that, Congress appeared empty and the applause hollow. Some members had failed to show. Others kept their distance from each other as if malaise and failure were catching.

Biden, whose minions had met the threat of a Freedom Convoy of half a dozen trucks on their way to D.C. by summoning 800 National Guardsmen, began by asserting that, “freedom will always triumph over tyranny.” The best evidence of that was the complete collapse of mask mandates and the entire COVID public health security state that Biden had touted last year.

That and Biden’s poll numbers which are so far south they practically qualify as illegal aliens.

With the price of gas, homes, and groceries out of the reach of most Americans, Biden began by taking credit for doing nothing to stop Putin from invading Ukraine. And then vowed that he, along with a coalition of “freedom loving nations” would fight Putin until the last Ukrainian.

Or until their social media people run out of hashtags.

Biden, who confused the Iranians and the Ukranians, spent more time bragging about plans to seize the yachts of Russian oligarchs than Truman spent declaring victory after WWII.

Putin “may make gains on the battlefield,” Biden argued, but “he will pay a continuing high price over the long run”. Sure. Vlad may take Ukraine, but Biden will take his yacht. During his unhinged tirade, Biden revealed a plan to end women’s sports in America, but failed to...

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