22 Aphorisms

1. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
3. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
4. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
5. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
6. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
7. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
11. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
12. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
13. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
14. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
15. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
16. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
17. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
18. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
19. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
20. Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
21. Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
22. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.