Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Didn't Jesse Jackson Say "Stay Out The Bushes?"
The Farmer and the Skinny Dippers
Skinny Dipping Beauties
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned
a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was
properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to
go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been
there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to
bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices
shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of
young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence
and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him,
“We’re not coming out until you leave!’
The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here
to watch you ladies swim naked or make you
get out of the pond naked.”
Holding the bucket up he said,
“I’m here to feed the alligator…”
Some old men can still think fast!!
************************************
More Really Interesting, Thoughtful Or Funny Things...
More Really Interesting, Thoughtful Or Funny Things...
There Is A Reason Why Rolling Stone Magazine Had To Resort To Putting A Terrorist In Its Cover...
Not Sympathy For The Devil, But Out Of Desperation.All Magazines have seen a gradual decline in single-copy sales, Rolling Stone has been on a steady decline since 1999, with occasional spikes from sensational articles and covers.
But now the extremely bad taste decision is starting to backfire on the desperate publishers, as people are outraged and incensed.
The Rolling Stones Band wrote and sang Sympathy For The Devil, there are two devils here, the magazine and the terrorist, both are despicable but the magazine should have known better. Perhaps Rolling Stone was trying to capture the audience of girls who are crushing on Tsarnev the mutilator but these girls are from the same crowd who send love letters to serial killers.
In this issue, The Rolling Stone Magazine joins the twisted, morbid, disgusting cult of crushing on serial killers.
Sympathy For The Devil
Songwriters: JAGGER, MICK / RICHARDS, KEITH
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a generals rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me lucifer
Cause I'm in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
10 Lifehacks from 100 Years Ago
IMAGE CREDIT:
NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY
By Therese Oneill
In the late 1880s, cigarette manufacturers began inserting stiffening cards into their paper packs of cigarettes to strengthen the containers. It wasn't long before they got the idea to put artwork, trivia, famous people, and pretty girls onto those cards, grouped into collectible series. The cards, which continued into the 1940s, are highly valuable now, with the most expensive (bearing the face of stringent anti-smoking baseball player Honus Wagner) selling for $2.8 million in 2007.
In the 1910s, Gallaher Ltd of Belfast & London and Ogden's Branch of the Imperial Tobacco Co printed "How-To" series, with clever hints for both everyday and emergency situations. From steaming out a splinter to stopping a mad dog, these cigarette cards told you the smart way to handle many of life's problems.
(Please note these cards were published a hundred years ago, when safety was not as popular a pursuit as it is now. For that reason, we can't recommend trying any of these, as brilliant as they may be.)
1. HOW TO MAKE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER
"Dissolve one pound of salt and half a pound of sal-ammoniac in two quarts of water and bottle the liquor in thin glass bottles holding about a quart each. Should a fire break out, dash one or more of the bottles into the flames, and any serious outbreak will probably be averted."
2. HOW TO EXTRACT A SPLINTER
"Fill a wide mouthed bottle with hot water nearly to the brim, and press affected part of hand tightly against mouth of bottle. The suction will pull down the flesh, and steam will soon draw out the splinter."
3. HOW TO PRESERVE EGGS
"Eggs for preserving must be newly laid, and by simply putting these into a box or tin of dry salt-burying the eggs right in the salt and keeping it in a cool dry place — it is possible to preserve them for a very long period. No air whatever should be allowed to get to the shell."
4. HOW TO FELL A TREE
"Having decided which side you wish the tree to fall, cut alternatively a downward and inward cut as shown. When about half through, proceed to cut the other side a few inches higher, and finally pull tree down by means of ropes."
5. HOW TO STOP A MAD DOG
"A scout's staff, a walking-stick, or even a handkerchief or hat may be held before you as shown. The dog invariably endeavours to paw down your defense before biting, thus giving you the opportunity of disabling him by a kick."
6. HOW TO KEEP PLANTS WATERED WHILE AWAY ON HOLIDAY
"Fill a large pail with water, and stand it a little above the level of the plants and group round or near as many plants as practical. Loosely plait two or three strands of wool together, immerse completely in water, and place one end in the pail, weighted, and touching the bottom. Rest the other end on the soil: a separate plait of wool is advisable for each pot."
7. HOW TO LIGHT A MATCH IN THE WIND
"The familiar difficulty of lighting a match in a wind can be to a great extent overcome if thin shavings are first cut on the match towards its striking end, as shown in the picture. On lighting the match the curled strips catch fire at once; the flame is stronger and has a better chance."
8. HOW TO MAKE A CHAIR TO CROSS A STREAM
"Fasten a strong rope to a tree and let a boy swim across the stream and fasten the other end to a tree on an opposite bank. Make the chair, fasten it to a running loop or a block pulley, and by means of a light rope fastened to the middle of (the) chair and held by a scout at each end, those unable to swim are safely passed over."
9. HOW TO RESCUE SOMEONE FROM ELECTRIC SHOCK
"In rescuing a person touched by a "live wire" do not attempt to take hold of him if he is still grasping the wire, unless your hands are protected by rubber gloves, a water-proof coat, or several thicknesses of dry cloth. Stand on glass or dry wood, and try and have (the) current switched off, and send at once for a doctor."
10. HOW TO MAKE A WATER FILTER
"A most handy and efficacious filter can be made out of an ordinary perfectly clean zinc water pail, through the bottom of which a hole has been drilled and a small pipe fitted. The water percolates through the layers of fine and coarse sand, and clean picked gravel and stones, with which the pail is filled, filtering through to the bottom in a clear state."
http://mentalfloss.com/article/51702/10-lifehacks-100-years-ago#ixzz2ZIglf2YH
Obama: The New Mugabe
The Trillion Dollar Campaign was an innovative way to protest Zimbabwe’s record breaking hyperinflation which reached the unbelievable mark of 231,000,000% in October 2008. The campaign was launched in 2009 with the goal of promoting the newspaper called The Zimbabwean, whom President Mugabe was giving a hard time, as well as increasing awareness of the total collapse of the Zimbabwean dollar.
Instead of trying to explain all the problems faced by the newspaper the creative team of the advertising agency TBWA Hunt Lascaris went with a tangible symbol of the country’s collapse, the worthless currency. They designed an outdoor advertising campaign that threw away trillion dollar notes with a message. Large murals measuring 1.5 meters by 5 meters and composed of hundreds or thousands of banknotes were pasted across walls along streets with heavy foot traffic, and billboard spaces were purchased overlooking several highways. Bold messages such as "It's Cheaper To Print This On Money Than Paper" and "Thanks to Mugabe This Money Is Wallpaper" were printed on actual Zimbabwean 100 trillion dollar bank notes, whose value at that time was less than USD5. Bundles of cash were mailed to media personalities. The newspaper’s contact details were printed on bank notes and attached to posters wherever The Zimbabwean was sold.
Though the campaign was launched in 2009, the story of the campaign actually dates back to 1999, the year in which Wilf Mbanga founded an independent Zimbabwean newspaper titled The Daily News. The paper operated for three years before Mbanga was arrested for anti-government activities and The Daily News was banned by the Government of Zimbabwe. Though Mbanga was released, he faced several life threats in Zimbabwe and therefore fled to Europe. From there he started operating a new newspaper ‘The Zimbabwean’ featuring stories from the country and printed in South Africa.
The Zimbabwean highlighted the continuing turmoil in Zimbabwe and how the Mugabe regime had rigged elections, crushed the opposition, caused poverty, disease and the total collapse of the economy. When the country went to the polls in 2008 The Zimbabwean was blamed by the government of Robert Mugabe for its losses. Its delivery truck was hijacked and burnt, and the paper was punished with a 55% 'luxury' import tax. Within a year, the newspaper’s circulation dropped from 150,000 to 30,000. At wit’s end, Mbanga approached Johannesburg-based advertising agency TBWA Hunt Lascaris in search of a solution.
Meanwhile, Zimbabwe’s national economy was under crisis. The land reform policies of 1990 hit hard on the country’s economic and social scene. Mugabe added fuel to it by authorizing Zimbabwean troops to fight in the second Congo war. And to top it all, Mugabe's government was printing high denomination currency to finance troops in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
Zimbabwe’s original currency consisted of six denominations in paper notes ranging from Z$2 to Z$20. As the inflation rose, larger bills were needed to pay for menial amounts. Soon the Central Bank of Zimbabwe was churning out notes of insane denomination – 10 trillion, 20 trillion, 50 trillion and culminating in 100 trillion dollar.
The Trillion Dollar Campaign became highly successful and soon gathered significant publicity in the print media, television, radio and the internet. It won several awards including the most prestigious Grand Prix in the Outdoor category of the 2009 Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival, the most prestigious awards ceremony in the advertising industry.
Zimbabwe’s notorious 100 trillion dollar notes are currently on permanent exhibit at the British museum in London.
http://www.amusingplanet.com/2012/01/trillion-dollar-campaign.html
Instead of trying to explain all the problems faced by the newspaper the creative team of the advertising agency TBWA Hunt Lascaris went with a tangible symbol of the country’s collapse, the worthless currency. They designed an outdoor advertising campaign that threw away trillion dollar notes with a message. Large murals measuring 1.5 meters by 5 meters and composed of hundreds or thousands of banknotes were pasted across walls along streets with heavy foot traffic, and billboard spaces were purchased overlooking several highways. Bold messages such as "It's Cheaper To Print This On Money Than Paper" and "Thanks to Mugabe This Money Is Wallpaper" were printed on actual Zimbabwean 100 trillion dollar bank notes, whose value at that time was less than USD5. Bundles of cash were mailed to media personalities. The newspaper’s contact details were printed on bank notes and attached to posters wherever The Zimbabwean was sold.
Though the campaign was launched in 2009, the story of the campaign actually dates back to 1999, the year in which Wilf Mbanga founded an independent Zimbabwean newspaper titled The Daily News. The paper operated for three years before Mbanga was arrested for anti-government activities and The Daily News was banned by the Government of Zimbabwe. Though Mbanga was released, he faced several life threats in Zimbabwe and therefore fled to Europe. From there he started operating a new newspaper ‘The Zimbabwean’ featuring stories from the country and printed in South Africa.
The Zimbabwean highlighted the continuing turmoil in Zimbabwe and how the Mugabe regime had rigged elections, crushed the opposition, caused poverty, disease and the total collapse of the economy. When the country went to the polls in 2008 The Zimbabwean was blamed by the government of Robert Mugabe for its losses. Its delivery truck was hijacked and burnt, and the paper was punished with a 55% 'luxury' import tax. Within a year, the newspaper’s circulation dropped from 150,000 to 30,000. At wit’s end, Mbanga approached Johannesburg-based advertising agency TBWA Hunt Lascaris in search of a solution.
Meanwhile, Zimbabwe’s national economy was under crisis. The land reform policies of 1990 hit hard on the country’s economic and social scene. Mugabe added fuel to it by authorizing Zimbabwean troops to fight in the second Congo war. And to top it all, Mugabe's government was printing high denomination currency to finance troops in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
Zimbabwe’s original currency consisted of six denominations in paper notes ranging from Z$2 to Z$20. As the inflation rose, larger bills were needed to pay for menial amounts. Soon the Central Bank of Zimbabwe was churning out notes of insane denomination – 10 trillion, 20 trillion, 50 trillion and culminating in 100 trillion dollar.
The Trillion Dollar Campaign became highly successful and soon gathered significant publicity in the print media, television, radio and the internet. It won several awards including the most prestigious Grand Prix in the Outdoor category of the 2009 Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival, the most prestigious awards ceremony in the advertising industry.
Zimbabwe’s notorious 100 trillion dollar notes are currently on permanent exhibit at the British museum in London.
http://www.amusingplanet.com/2012/01/trillion-dollar-campaign.html
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