The Evil Secret of Google Data Barges REVEALED!

Google's offshore data barges are evil.  Besides providing financial, technical and political support to a tyrannical world leader, Google now intends to contribute to ocean warming by injecting huge amounts of heat into the ocean. It is well known among data techies that the best way to generate heat is to assist the NSA in profiling likely purveyors of evil, like tea party members.  In fact, spying on tea party activists generates 57.896 more BTU's than for instance, spying on occupiers who spend most of their time picking lice from each other's hair.  In other words, spying on tea party activists is simply the most efficient way to generate heat and thus warm the oceans.

So why you ask, does Google want to warm the ocean?  The answer is clear: to blame it on the tea party. Everyone knows the tea party is evil, they support free markets and freedom of choice.  This is intolerable and it must be stopped.  Let the ocean warming begin.