Sunday, December 23, 2012

Obama Gets Creepy Spider Named After Him

The spider destroys its prey from the inside, after it injects its venom into the country prey.

Barack Husein Obama now has a creepy spider named after him.  The spider is called Aptostichus barackobamai.

This spider subdues its prey by injecting venom through their fangs, which operate much like a pair of hypodermic needles. Besides the paralytic action of the venom compounds, the spider regurgitates digestive fluids onto the prey to digest it, working more or less like a meat tenderizer. Once the prey begins to liquefy, the spider uses its jaws and pedipalps to further masticate its meal. The “meat ball” is then slowly imbibed by the mouthparts, taken in mostly in liquid form.  The Barack Obama spider destroys its victim from the inside.  How fitting.



Vincent Price foresaw the future when he wrote this poem:

Leaving lepidoptera...Please, don't touch the display,
Little boy, aha cute! Moving to the next aisle we have
Arachnida, the spiders, our...finest collection.
This friendly little devil is the heptothilidi,
Unfortunately harmless. Next to him, the nasty licosa
Raptoria, his tiny fangs cause creeping ulcerations of
The skin (laugh). And here, my prize, the Barack
Obama. Isn't she lovely?...And so deadly. Her kiss is
Fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake.
You see her venom is highly neurotoxic, which is to say
That it attacks the central nervous system causing
Intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in
Breathing, loss of consciousness, violent convulsions
And, finally...Death. You know what I think I love the
Most about her is her inborn need to dominate,
Possess. In fact, immediately after the consummation
Of her marriage to the smaller and weaker male of the
Species she kills and eats him...(laugh) oh, she is
Delicious...And I hope he was! Such power and dignity
...unhampered by sentiment. If I may put forward a
Slice of personal philosophy, I feel that man has ruled
This world as a stumbling dimented child-king long
Enough! And as his empire crumbles, my precious Barack
Obama shall rise as his most fitting successor!


Read Here About A Parasitic Lesbian Worm Named After Obama

2 comments:

  1. That's what most spiders do, along with rattlesnakes.

    Ya got any news to tell us?

    ReplyDelete
  2. "But I told you...I am a scorpion!"

    ReplyDelete