November Democrat Politician Horoscopes

Sagittarius Replenish your campaign coffers by sending out a fundraising email accusing the republican majority of taking away entitlements even though they don't take office until January. Tonight, deny that the architect of Obamacare called the American people stupid and that they were lied to with your support.

"Hey, Democrat, what's your sign? Oh. Right. Duh."

Capricorn Today you'll get the urge to express your opposition to legal immigration by accusing anyone opposing illegal immigration of racism. If someone voices skepticism, tell the story of how Julio of El Salvador's life was saved, if someone points out that he is a member of MS-13, accuse them of hating "brown" children.

Aquarius Count your blessings as a Democrat, such as unfettered love and adoration from the media, newspapers, periodicals and supporting Hollywood movies that allows you to get away with lies, murder and keeping "the constituency" poor and voting for you. Tonight: Block access to a National Monument for veterans just for fun.

Pisces Don’t take no for an answer. Give no for an answer. The 5th amendment is your and your friends friend.

Aries A good day to use children as props for any leftist project you are looking to promote, Global War...errr Climate Change is a good one. Hug the children as you sell their futures to Socialism and suck their souls from them.

Taurus Discuss how to steal err.. redistribute income from the middle class with your caucus by using class warfare to justify your zeal to destroy hope.  Tonight: keep your manicure scissors nearby in case your mistress gets her braces caught in your hair again.

Gemini Practice saying into a mirror: "I just found out about it on TeeVee" Then check on the progress of your shredding crew.

Cancer Sad thoughts may bedevil you today. Clear them out of your head by thinking of destroying capitalism. Tonight: party like it's Kim Jong Un Day.

Leo Take time to ignore the deaths in Benghazi and craft legislation restricting access to Benghazi documents. Tonight: clean your bong without checking to see if there's a hit in the chamber because your kids wouldn't smoke your shit.

Virgo A good day to lawyer up. Not that you did anything wrong! Still, a very, very good day to lawyer up. Tonight: practice saying "I hate mid term elections, I hate mid term elections in the mirror.

Libra Accuse your opponents of playing the blame game. When they accuse you of playing the blame game by accusing them of playing the blame game, call them racists, sexists, misogynists, and homophobes until they give up on logic and walk away...

Scorpio Replenish your campaign coffers by sending out a fundraising email defending a cop killer because hey, he's a communist, we gots to stand together! Add a P.S. suggesting he should get into politics.