90 Miles From Tyranny : Progressive Jokes!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Progressive Jokes!

Q. How do you drown a progressive?
A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q. What do you get when you give a progressive a penny for her thoughts?
A. Change.

Q. Why did the progressive get so excited when he finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

Q. How do you amuse a progressive for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. What did the progressive name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

Q. How do you drive a progressive crazy?
A. Give him a bag of M & M s and tell him to alphabetize them.

A. A progressive going through a flashing red light.

Q. Did you hear about the progressive who shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.

Q. What did the progressive say when he knocked over a priceless Ming vase?
A. "It's okay Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Two progressives observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of a Mercedes with a coat hanger:
progressive #1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

progressive #2: Well you better hurry up and try harder, because it's starting to rain and the top is down!

Q. How do you confuse a progressive?
A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

    Did you hear about the progressive who locked her keys in the car? It took her an hour to get her family out of the car.

Q. How do progressive brain cells die?
A. Alone

Q. What do you call a progressive with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant

   Three progressives were walking through a forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
   The first progressive looked down at the tracks and said, "I think these are bird tracks."
   The second progressive looked at them and said, "No, these are deer tracks."
   The third progressive looked down, and BOOM!!! she gets run over by a train.

     A progressive went into a pizza parlor. When he said that he'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked him how many pieces he'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve.
     "Oh, goodness, six please," said the progressive. "I don't think I could ever eat twelve!"

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