PITTSBURGH, PA—The FBI released disturbing new details today regarding alleged January 6th rioter Robert Morss, who had a fully-constructed LEGO Capitol building in his home. Agents say Morss was also building several LEGO Harry Potter sets, leading authorities to believe he was planning a similar attack on Hogwarts Castle.
“The suspect had several completed LEGO Harry Potter building sets and was about 80% of the way through building the advanced-level LEGO Harry Potter Castle,” said FBI bureau chief Warren Alvarez. “We feel we caught him just in the nick of time before things turned violent once more.”
Alvarez said a review of Morss’ online social media accounts show him to be a staunch supporter of Lord Voldemort, believing that Albus Dumbledore was fraudulently elected as the leader of Hogwarts. Documents found on his computer show that Morss was planning a violent protest at the school on July 31, Harry Potter’s birthday.
“This is a huge win for law enforcement,” said Alvarez. “The FBI is proud of our work taking dangerous, LEGO-building criminals off the streets. Also, now I don’t have to buy my kid a birthday present, which is awesome.”
In related news, press secretary Jen Psaki said President Biden is renewing his calls for common-sense LEGO control, calling for universal background checks for all LEGO purchases as well as closing the toy show loophole. Psaki said. “We must work vigilantly to...
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2 comments:
Very clever writer. I love it.
I would bet it's true, those mother fuckers live in a fantasy world anyway.......
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