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New Mental Illness Disease Discovered: Only Affects Muslim Men Of Military Age And Makes Them Murder Infidels With Knives.

Doctors have named the new disease "Jihad". Dr. Stu Pidazhole decribes the real victims as the poor Muslim men that are afflicted with the disease and are forced to witness the horrible crimes first hand. They often are covered with the blood and guts of strangers after the attacks, subjected to blood borne diseases and then are persecuted and treated like criminals after the attacks despite their mental illness. Dr. Stu Pidazhole stated "This is not how our society should treat people with mental illness."

"These men need counseling and treatment", said Dr. Stu Pidazhole, "this happens when these poor men are subjected to the injustices of western society, it is western society that is at fault here and needs the real treatment." he stated.

The mental illness has broken out in America, The U.K., France, Australia, Germany, Russia, China, Canada, South America, Italy, Sweden, Norway, Switzerland, Belgium, The Netherlands, Luxemberg, Portugal, Hungary, Poland, Ukraine, pretty much wherever Muslims live or can travel to.

We should thank Muslim men of military age for bearing the brunt of this terrible mental illness. These men need western medical clinics to help cure this disease and as a result, we should increase immigration from muslim nations to properly treat the disease.

Pope Urges Governments To Stop Excluding Welfare Recipients From "Dignified labor"

Pope Francis urged the U.N. to "promote development goals that attack the root causes of poverty and hunger, protect the environment and ensure dignified labor for all."

Clearly, the Pope is signaling that he realizes that the root causes of poverty and hunger is free shit. 

Governments should dignify the poor by putting them to work, redistribute wealth from social programs to wages and develop productive work habits that will attack the root causes of poverty (e.g. sloth and free shit).

Since we know, that capitalism reduces pollution and Marxism increases pollution, the Pope is clearly advocating the end of communist and socialist governments in favor of capitalism.

From this point on America will have the cleanest highways and the safest borders with all these new border guards, and sanitary technicians that we can put to work.

If somehow the Pope is not saying this then he is a Marxist lackey. We know the pope is a compassionate man, Marxism is the opposite of compassion, therefore the Pope is not a Marxist.

The EPA Porno Watching Guy Is The Second Best EPA Employee Ever, And Deserves A Bonus And An Efficiency Award..

The EPA employee who was caught watching 6 hours of porno a day made only $125,000 a year.  Perhaps we can convince him to watch porno 8 hours a day for a 25% wage increase?

Imagine if we could get the entire EPA to watch porno ALL Day. The savings to the American economy would be in the trillions of dollars if all EPA employees would cease their destructive work and stimulate the economy and umm other things too.

And Here Is The Best EPA Employee Ever:

John C. Beale, The Best Employee The EPA Has Ever Had And An American Hero..

Study: Undocumented Immigrants Get 100% Of Their Illegal Drugs From Unlicensed Pharmacists.

Please note, there is a controversy swirling about calling drugs "illegal".  In the interest of egalitarian principles, from this point on we will call them Undocumented Medications. 

The sale of these undocumented medications from unlicensed pharmacists to undocumented immigrants is leading to crime and sometimes murder of the disenfranchised undocumented immigrants by Mexican drug cartels..  Ok, I just got word from my editor, I can no longer use the word "crime", I need to start using the word, "illegal punishment", wait, new ruling, I need to call it, "undocumented deterrent", and murder must now be called, premature termination by the dispossessed resulting from white privilege.  Ok, we can no longer use the phrase "Mexican Drug Cartels", new word, "oppressed, struggling third world entrepreneur collective.

Oppressed, struggling third world entrepreneur collective groups are engaging in premature termination by the dispossessed resulting from white privilege on undocumented immigrants when attempting to buy undocumented medications from unlicensed pharmacists.

Ok, I give up. Can I say the word cat?  I can say cat?  Next article, I am posting cute cat selfies!!

IPCC-ACLU Report: The Easter Bunny causes climate change..

By Eric Golub
In a new bombshell report designed to strip away the last ounce of American social fabric, a joint panel of leftists issued a report that could cancel the holiest Christian Sunday on the calendar. According to the International Panel on Climate Change-American Civil Liberties Union report, the Easter Bunny causes climate change.

The report recommends that all Easter egg rolls be immediately canceled. The movement of eggs on the grass in a rolling fashion does damage to the grass, and the Easter Bunny himself exhales poisonous carbon dioxide.

The IPCC-ACLU groups stressed that for America to truly be a politically leftist utopian paradise, nobody will be allowed to engage in anything that any reasonable person could possibly consider fun. All happy children must grow up to be as dour and miserable as the leftists in charge.

The National Organization for Women cried sexism that children have to learn about Easter from a male rabbit rather than a female one. The female rabbits do all the hard work of preparing the eggs, yet the male bunnies get to frolic on the lawn with the kids and reap all the glory. The NOW feminists, who have never found joy in anything ever, fully support the Easter Bunny ban.

One leftist Asian group declared the term “egg roll” to be an anti-Asian slur, and encouraged Easter participants to be more culturally sensitive. When Americans asked if they should stop eating egg rolls so that Chinese restaurants go bankrupt, the leftist Asian group responded that kale was delicious.

The IPCC-ACLU report only applies to the Easter Bunny character, and not to Peter Rabbit when he is off the clock. As long as Peter is secular, he can not only roll eggs but throw them at nearby cars while yelling “Occupy.” The IPCC-ACLU report also recommended that leftists work with the Libertarians to replace the Easter Egg Roll with a Spring Solstice Marijuana Roll. The kids will be allowed to roll the joints themselves in keeping with Christian traditions as taught in Common Core textbooks.

This Satire Was Found Right HERE

Australia's Prime Minister Tony Abbott Endangers The World By Firing Climate Scientists In His Country

Prime Minister Tony Abbot is recklessly firing climate scientists in his country without regard on how it will affect other countries.

Does he ever stop to think where these climate scientists and their climate data models will go? That's right, they will go to other countries, endangering jobs, productivity and entire economies in the wake of their fossil fueled migrations.

Tony Abbot is unleashing a cancer upon the world, a cancer that spreads unemployment, misery, starvation and in the latter stages civil unrest and revolution. These dangerous climate cultists are paid to produce one thing: false data in order to increase the size of government, the need for government and to reduce the freedom and rights of the affected peoples of said nations.

Tony Abbot is selfishly enriching his own country on the backs of every other country on this old, old planet earth, a planet that has for billions and billions of years changed its own climate without the guidance of climate scientists. Ice ages and periods of great warming have occurred without enriching climate scientists and governments, which can prosper by sowing lies, fear and flawed climate models.

Tony Abbot does not seem to understand that the natural order of things is that government must continue to grow until the very gravity of government consumes and destroys itself followed by death, anarchy, disease, starvation and finally after many brutal decades of misery; renewal, just like the fall of Rome. By firing the climate scientists, Tony Abbot takes a hockey stick to the normal cycle of humanity and ushers in a future of prosperity for Australia. This level of selfishness must not go unpunished! Go forth young journalists! Write many, many bad things about TONY ABBOT!

Now read This:

The Cure to America's Obesity Problem: Unionized Government Farms.

Obama Propaganda Poster

Galileo: Settled Science Denier

Dateline: March 11th, 1614
Today settled science denier Galileo Galilei denied the universally accepted principle of Geocentrism. All the scientists in Rome agree that the Earth is the center of the universe not to mention, the Pope!

Apparently Galileo believes the crazy notion that the earth revolves around the sun. Look around you, is it windy? Do you see things revolving around the Sun? Perhaps all those hours and hours of

The Lunatic Galileo

looking at the stars has made this man start seeing things. Science deniers like Galileo have no place in a modern society like ours, a society where people stand on firm, non-moving ground.

This man should be jailed for the rest of his life until he admits that the earth is the center of the universe.

In other news: the Pope has judged that the well paid astronomers who "allegedly" manipulated data to prove the principle of Geocentrism, did nothing wrong and were only furthering the public good.  They were all promoted for their good works. Move along.


Don't Read This:

A Brief History Of Settled Science..

TRAGEDY: Global Warming Causes Niagara Falls To Freeze Over Twice In One Year...

If it gets any warmer, earth's core may freeze over...

Now Read This:

Blind commitment to a theory is not an intellectual virtue; it is an intellectual crime

Why Do Hysterical Warmists Ignore The Scientific Method?

IN SUPPORT OF SKEPTICISM..

University Of Minnesota Students Want Crime Alerts To Avoid Using Gender Descriptions

Image Suggesting Only Men Commit Crimes

MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) – School officials at the University of Minnesota are working with male student and facility organizations after they wrote a letter to the school’s president about the gender descriptions given in crime alerts.

The letter, sent on Dec. 6, 2013, was issued by members of the Male American and Male Studies, Male Faculty and Staff Association, Male Graduate and Professional Student Association, Men’s Forum, Male Student Union and Huntley House for Manhood. It was directed to University President Eric Kaler and Pamela Wheelock, the vice president of University Services.

Students and staff mailed the letter more than a month after the campus went on lockdown because of an attempted robbery at Anderson Hall on Nov. 11, 2013. University of Minnesota Police wrongfully identified a student as the suspect. On Tuesday, school officials reported there have been 25 robberies in and around the University, an increase of 27 percent over the last few years.

The organizations wrote that while campus safety is crucial, the profiling can be devastating for male students.
“[We] unanimously agree that campus safety should be of the UMPD’s utmost importance; however, efforts to reduce crime should never be at the expense of our men, or any specific group of people likely to be targeted. In addition to causing men to feel unsafe and distrusted, gender profiling is proven to inflict negative psychological effects on its victims.”

Boy or Girl? Who knows, but non-discriminatory. 

At Wednesday’s forum, Ian Taylor Jr., president of the Men’s Forum, said members of his organization feel threatened when the use of a gender description is given in the crime alerts.
“The repeated male, male male suspect,” Taylor said. “And what that does it really discomforts the mental and physical comfort for students on campus because they feel like suspicions begin to increase.”
The letter then gave 12 recommendations to UMPD Chief Gregory Hestness on how to improve their response.

The recommendations include requiring officers to attend diversity training, and attach a link on crime alerts to the U’s no-tolerance policy on gender profiling.
On Jan. 27, 2014, a formal letter was issued by Wheelock.
“I am concerned that members of your organizations and others in the University community believe there to be an increase in gender profiling,” Wheelock said. “As I stated earlier profiling will not be tolerated on campus. If there is a concern or complaint about University police practices, both Chief Hestness and I are committed to investigating the matter promptly and thoroughly.”

She did disagree with the organizations when it comes to excluding gender descriptions in the alerts.
“I firmly believe that a well-informed community is an asset to public safety…I believe that sharing more information in our Crime Alerts, not less, is most beneficial in terms of public safety, especially when that information is available.

The information we share can include a complete description of suspects, unique identifying characteristics such as an accent or a distinctive piece of clothing, or the description of vehicles involved.
We have reviewed what other Big Ten Universities and local colleges and universities include, and our practice of including the gender of a suspect when it is available from a victim’s description is consistent with their practices.”

In other news, University Of Minnesota students want shoe size to be off limits in crime investigations because of the negative stereotypes for men with small feet.

Original Article is HERE
(I may have left out a few details in the article, but discrimination is discrimination!)

In another related story, Blondes want hair color descriptions to be omitted in crime alerts because it makes blondes appear too wimpy and overly good-mannered with no "edge".

Rachel Maddow Dedicates Entire Show To Chris Christie Traffic Prank

Rachel Maddow was silent on Fast and Furious.
Rachel Maddow spent a little time attempting to argue that the IRS scandal was not mainly against the right wing.
Rachel Maddow ignores the multitudes of scandals, unconstitutionality, the march towards tyranny, or any of the myriad abuses of power the Obama Administration commits on an almost daily basis.

But what grabs Ms. Maddow's ire?  A traffic prank.

Warmist Gun Grabber, Chris Christie is facing the breathless onslaught of the leftist media finally with a real scandal to uncover!  The evil traffic pranksters! This will certainly be the top story of 2014 and the media is on it like lard on the first shadies wife.

Warmist Gun Grabber, Chris Christie issued a fatwah:
“I am a very sad person today,” the governor said. “I am heartbroken that someone I permitted to be in that circle of trust for the past five years betrayed that trust.”

Ok, wait it looks like MSNBC is completely full court press with wall to wall coverage of breathless impassioned reporting on this MAJOR story, the energy and glee they exhibit, foretelling of the end of Christie's presidential run. Finally the moribund doldrums are over and these journalists have a story of real hard hitting news to tell over and over! This is the essence of journalistic reporting, these months and years of no political news, have finally ended. The joy and thrill these hard nosed reporters must feel!

I could give two shits about Christie. He should not be the Republican nominee.

For MSNBC? I feel only disgust at these despicable propagandists.

OBAMACARE Psychological Test For Gun Ownership

John C. Beale, The Best Employee The EPA Has Ever Had And An American Hero..

John C. Beale is an American hero. As an EPA senior policy advisor, John Beale was THE most effective employee the EPA has ever had. How many businesses did John Beale destroy? ZERO. How many regulations did John Beale introduce to make Americans less competitive? ZERO. John Beale was sentenced to 2 ½ years in prison for stealing nearly $900,000 in taxpayer funds.The U.S. Government actually put this hero in prison because he wasted less money than any government employee in modern times. This is exactly the wrong lesson to send to government employees.

John Beale worked for the EPA and he never showed up. Imagine how much money we could save if all EPA employees never showed up?

In 2 1/2 years when John Beale gets out of prison, I hope he goes to work for the IRS.

Read more about this hero HERE

More 90 Miles Satire:

The Cure to America's Obesity Problem: Unionized Government Farms.

Australia's Prime Minister Tony Abbott Endangers The World By Firing Climate Scientists In His Country

Columbia University Offers Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev, the Boston Marathon Bomber An Adjunct Professorship

Man in Coma for 19 Years Asks to Go Back to Sleep

It Is Time To Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide

Dihydrogen Monoxide has been found in our schools, it is time to get rid of it now!


• it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
• it is a major component in acid rain
• it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
• accidental inhalation can kill you
• it contributes to erosion
• it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
• it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

• Forty-three (43) said yes,
• six (6) were undecided,
• and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

The Evil Secret of Google Data Barges REVEALED!

Google's offshore data barges are evil.  Besides providing financial, technical and political support to a tyrannical world leader, Google now intends to contribute to ocean warming by injecting huge amounts of heat into the ocean. It is well known among data techies that the best way to generate heat is to assist the NSA in profiling likely purveyors of evil, like tea party members.  In fact, spying on tea party activists generates 57.896 more BTU's than for instance, spying on occupiers who spend most of their time picking lice from each other's hair.  In other words, spying on tea party activists is simply the most efficient way to generate heat and thus warm the oceans.

So why you ask, does Google want to warm the ocean?  The answer is clear: to blame it on the tea party. Everyone knows the tea party is evil, they support free markets and freedom of choice.  This is intolerable and it must be stopped.  Let the ocean warming begin.

Columbia University Offers Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev, the Boston Marathon Bomber An Adjunct Professorship

Columbia University is adding Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev to their elite cadre of terrorist professors which includes fellow bomber, Kathy Boudin, a member of the Weather Underground, a left-wing domestic terror group. 

When asked if the post would have been open if the bomber had turned out to be a white, right wing domestic terrorist, Columbia University responded: "oh no, our standards are way too high for that".

Mr. Tsarnaev, will join other Columbia teaching staff, in teaching young minds about the evils of American Society and how left wing, and Anti-American terrorism should be rewarded, celebrated and added to our diversity and womyn's studies classes.

Chalk up another win for American higher learning!



More on American Universities:
University Faculty are Moving Farther to the Left

More Satire:

The Cure to America's Obesity Problem: Unionized Government Farms.

Australia's Prime Minister Tony Abbott Endangers The World By Firing Climate Scientists In His Country

I Have Finally Figured Out How To Ban Hammers Forever

As we all know, hammers are the scourge of society.  Every time I see a hammer, I get sick to my stomach.  I do however believe that I have forged an idea on how to get rid of these evil objects forever:  We need to make hammer makers liable for every finger that gets pounded, any time a hammer accidentally does any damage to property or bodily harm and especially if a hammer is used to attack or murder someone, we should be able to sue the hammer manufacturers out of existence.  


We will make it so expensive to make hammers that their cost will be prohibitive to make, to purchase or to insure. Hundreds of people are killed every year with hammers, this would be worth hundreds of millions in lawsuits.

No one should have a right to own a hammer and now there is a way to finally rid society of these evil objects that has created so much death, destruction and sore thumbs.  We need to immediately have a national discussion about making hammer manufacturers liable for the damage that their products cause.

The Cure to America's Obesity Problem: Unionized Government Farms.

It is time that America gets serious about the Obesity problem and socializes all farms, unionizes the employees and begins to thin the American population.

New Farming technique to reduce the over-abundance

America is facing an obesity epidemic of epic proportions.  Obesity is a severe health problem that leads to Heart Disease, Diabetes and many more debilitating problems and conditions. Fortunately there is an answer that will solve this problem within 5 years: Unionized Government Farms.

A New Government Farm to solve Obesity.

Americas private farm system has created the problem of an over-abundance of food.  Mountains of food are produced, way more than Americans can ever eat, unfortunately too many of us die trying.  What is the cost to the valiant Americans that try to solve the over abundance of food that the private farm system is creating?  Obesity. 



Benefits of a Unionized Government Farm System:
  1.  Obesity Cured - the over abundance of food problem will be solved.

  2.  Increased Employment - Farms will need more specialized union employees, for instance:         reaping and sowing will now need two employees instead of one.
  3.  Less TV Time - Couch Potatoes beware! Your couch time will now be filled with healthier waiting in line time for the weekly food allotment.
  4.  Government and Union quality - Government IS the solution to all our problems, the innovation and forward thinking of Government Bureaucrats help to improve the quality of your life.  You are welcome.
  5.  Proper Farm Management - Smaller crops and smaller yields will make Americans thin again and compliant to the Government Food Givers.  People guilty of thoughtcrime will simply be allotted smaller portions.  Thought burns calories, disallowing the deviant mind calories stimulates the conformity of obeyance.

Next Article:  How Unionized Government Farms will solve the Squirrel Population Problem.

More Satire:

Man in Coma for 19 Years Asks to Go Back to Sleep

Australia's Prime Minister Tony Abbott Endangers The World By Firing Climate Scientists In His Country

American Media discuss banning Homosexuality as another underage victim of Elmo is discovered

Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash has amassed more victims in his homosexual sex spree with young children. The children victims are only now beginning to be counted.

The media and politicians are suggesting that we need to have a "discussion" about homosexuality while others are suggesting an all out ban on homosexuality.  President Obama called for "meaningful action" on homosexual control to prevent events like this from happening in the future.

In an interview with relatively unknown blogger, Mike Miles from: http://ninetymilesfromtyranny.blogspot.com/ Mr. Miles stated that "this was the actions of an individual and has nothing to do with homosexuality, Elmo or Sesame street."  As we all know extremists like Mr. Miles need to be ignored as we protect innocent victims from unnecessary homosexuality.

Picture of the Mass Murderer

In a related story, the media and politicians discuss banning spoons to prevent the obesity epidemic that is killing more Americans than starvation.